I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
