Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
