you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
