The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
