so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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