just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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