I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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