Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
