That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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