Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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