so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
