If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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