Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize