he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
