im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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