I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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