oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
