I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
