he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
