I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
