mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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