I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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