Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
