I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
