my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
