One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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