omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
