Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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