I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
