Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Randomize
