Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize