you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
