This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
