Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
