I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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