I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
