My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize