New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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