just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
