Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
