my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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