To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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