I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
love makes seman taste better
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
