I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
only you would photoshop your dick
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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