Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
