I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
