Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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