I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
