why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
