The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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