I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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