As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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