i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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