You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
