What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
