walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
