I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
