Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
