Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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