I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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