In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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