You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
