my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
