Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
