I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
