Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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