Church boner. Awkwardddd
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Damn victory sex feels great
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
