What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
